Archive | October 2012

Someone’s pissed off…

Apparently the FanFiction resident asswipe….”Critic” named Daedalus IX was mad   because no one responded to a post I made about the abuse.

So, here’s another post just for Daedalus all about his reviews and the abuse there in.

Example 1:

I’m a critic!

Example 2:

Example 3:

What a douchebag.

Example 4:

I don’t think he knows how to be nice.

Example 5:


Sure does have a fascination with mothers.  Oedipus complex?

Example 6:

Again with the mother thing…


There are hardly words.

Want to know what you can do to help?  Hit that abuse button on the reviews that he leaves and keeps reporting them daily until they’re gone.   FanFiction will delete reviews.  It just takes them a while.

Until next time – Stay strong.  Keep writing.


Answer me this…

Seems I’m quite popular among the critics on FanFiction.  Yay?

A few things to those critics:

1.  I do not have a penis.  I am very much so a woman.

2.  The reason this blog is called FU Critics United and not FU Critics is because at the time of my first post, CU was the only one to attack one of my stories.  Shortly there after, LU found the same story and attacked me.  Yes, the story is still active on FanFiction.  Want to know my true ID?  You figure it out.

3.  Why is it when I ask you a valid question regarding your methods, the only thing you can do is call me a troll and insult my family?  Is that really all you’ve got?

4.  Are you physically incapable of answering a question without calling me a shitstained asswipe?

You love to sling the mud around and piss people off, yet when I ask a question, I get called a troll.


So for those critics who are reading me this, answer these questions:

1.  Do you actually read any of the stories you find on FanFiction or do you just randomly browse and glance at the first chapter and report it to the forums if the author violates the rules?

2.  Do you feel bad when a GOOD story you reported gets deleted? Yes, I know there are some awful works on FanFiction and yes, I can get behind you on their deletion, but when a good story gets deleted, do you celebrate?

There are several stories on your forum with thousands of reviews and hundreds of followers that are really quite good, yet you reported them.

3.  Have you ever seen a story that violated the rules and neglected to inform the forums because you found the story well written or you liked the story?

Until next time – Stay strong.  Keep writing.

To the critics who are harassing me

You dared me and guess what?

I have to put up with your flames and harassment on FanFiction and the LU members and CU who are creating sock accounts and harassing my stories you reported in your forums because I have your regular names blocked.

I don’t have to on my blog. So yes I am editing your comments Want to know why? Because I can’t do anything about it on Fanfiction but report your comments. Will FF mods delete them? Maybe. Maybe not.

At least here, I’m in control.

I have to put up with you people calling me a shit stain, asswipe and retard on FanFiction but I don’t have to put up with it here.

So go on commenting. I dare you.

Don’t like it? Don’t comment.

Until next time – Stay strong. Keep writing.

Sort of OT – Stop it! Just stop!

For the love of God, please stop passing this stupid poem around. I’ve noticed it a LOT on FanFiction when I’m reviewing stories and checking out profiles of members I come across.

If the Critics United,  Lawlclan, Defenders, Eliminator, the Literate Union, Fanfiction Renaissance and the rest of them really want to do something, how about targeting the members of FanFiction who have this stupid poem in their profiles rather than their stories?  I want to bash my head against a tree every time I see it or get that stupid email chain sent to me.


I want to gouge out my eyes every time I see this poem.  I’ve seen it where the foetus is either four inches or eight inches.   Let me give you a hint:  It’s neither!
A four week embryo is NOT eight inches long or even four inches long and does NOT have all its organs. It’s actually about the size of a seed. There are no legs.  No arms.  Nothing.
Aside from which – have you ever seen a talking infant?  Didn’t think so.  That means no foetus can talk or think.

Month two

Actually Little Foetus,  you could not, since  an eight week old foetus  does not even have a thumb to suck and no, a foetus still cannot talk.   Nothing magical has happened in the past month to suddenly allow a foetus to talk.

No matter how you try, a foetus will still not be able to talk, not even at twelve weeks.  If my university bio classes still hold true, it sure as hell can’t understand complex or even simple emotion since at this stage, synapses in the brain are only starting to form.  In other words – it doesn’t have a functioning brain developed enough to understand anything, let alone know its a boy or it can talk.

If a foetus at this age could talk and understand, we’d be raising a generation of genius kids.  Instead, we’re stuck with an entire generation that thinks your and you’re can be used as the same word.

Month four

Again.  At month four, the foetus can’t turn its head.  Some foetuses can kick at this stage, but that’s not exercise.  It also certainly cannot flex its fingers and toes.  It’s a myoclonic jerk at best.  It’s definitely not Pilates.

Month five
According to my bio classes, technically it’s a foetus still and again, its ears won’t even begin to hear sounds for another month or so.  Even then, it’s not going to understand language in any sense.  It won’t get that ability until after birth.   Why can’t these crappy poems be medically correct?
And no, it still can’t talk.

Month Six

At month six, I assure you the abortion wasn’t elective, just so you know. This would be around 21 weeks, after which less than 2% of all abortions are actually performed and they’re virtually always because of a medical emergency after a very wanted pregnancy.  Usually it’s because of a severe defect, danger to the mother or something similar.  It’s not like a woman walks into a gyn clinic and goes “Abort me!”
Again – it still can’t talk.
And the last one:

Last nauseating one…


This entire poem showed a perfectly sentient  foetus who felt everything and was talking and speaking.  I’m sorry but if I ever had a two month old foetus talking to me through my uterus, I’d swear and be damned I was carrying the next Damian from The Omen.   For the record, my daughter never spoke to me in utero.  She did give me one hell of a case of heartburn right up until the delivery.

This is completely factually inaccurate. Foetuses and embryos cannot talk, a foetus is not aborted after six months just because daddy doesn’t want mommy’s baby any more and whoever wrote this garbage clearly has no understanding of human foetal development whatsoever.   I suggest that anyone who reads this immediately Googles human foetal development and learns how foetuses really develop.

Oh right.  Then it wouldn’t be as heartwarming as this one is.

So if any members of the Critics United, Lawlclan, Defenders, Eliminator, the Literate Union or Fanfiction Renaissance groups or anyone else who considers themselves a critic are reading this – you have my permission to troll the hell out of those members who have this in their profile. Flame away for this simple reason.
By all means.  Knock yourselves out.
Until next time – Stay strong.  Keep Writing.

If you’re going to critique someone

For the sake of all things brown, please learn how to spell and use proper grammar.  Nothing makes me laugh harder than a member of one of these bully troll groups who claims to be a literary expert and yet either their profile or their reviews are full of spelling and grammar errors.

Physician, heal thyself!!!


Find the spelling errors…

If your worried?  Your?  Are you kidding me?

For those of you who are clueless, here’s a hint:

You’re – contracted form of the words you and are.   Example:  You’re going to have to rewrite this story.  It’s awful.

Your – shows possession.  Example:  Your story sucks.  End of story.

It’s not that hard.  I promise you.

A critic’s story summery [sic]

This is the story summary from a critic.  She can’t even spell summary properly and yet I’m supposed to listen to her critique of my story?  Yeah right.

Ah, the irony

What I find particularly funny about this post was that this person pointed out in the second to the last sentence of the review that the writer should use proper grammar.  Go back up to the first sentence and this child can’t differentiate between you’re and your.

People, please!

And lastly, someone who is also claiming to be a critic who does not have a grasp on the English language herself.  Their trying to do?  Surely you meant THEY’RE trying to do.

They’re is the contracted form of they and are.  Example:  They’re going to delete your story because we reported it.

Their shows possession.  Example:  Their story is in violation of the TOS rules of

And lastly there shows location.  Example:  The critics over there can’t spell their way out of a wet paper bag.

Bad grammar is bad

Basic grammar rule:  If your subject is plural, the verb needs to be singular.  Example:  The critics report stories that break the rules.

If your subject is singular, the verb will need to be plural.  Example:  The critic reports stories that break the rules.

This type of irony makes me laugh my ass off.

Until next time – Stay strong.  Keep Writing.


One whole entry devoted to two posters

I generally don’t get insulted or offended over most things.  However, there are certain areas that just piss me the hell off.

We all know by reading this blog that I’m against these bully groups on FanFiction who believe it is their God given right to bully and harass people daily for stories they don’t like.

One poster in particular stands out among every other poster I’ve encountered.

An author called “Mr. Perfection” posted this in his forum:

Do as I say, not as I do

Do as I say, not as I do

Seems legit, right?  Be nice when reviewing.

He should have taken his own advice.  Read on:

Wow….Just wow.

Helpful critiques is one thing.  Being a blatant jackass is another.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present for one night only…The Master Asshole!

Not nearly as bad as the others, but it still violates his rule.

And another one

Do you have anger management issues?

Another one is the poster Daedalus IX

D-bag alert!

Maybe they’re long lost brothers?  I don’t know…

Again with the name calling

Again with the use of retard.


What an example he sets.   I will say this – not all of the reviews in this guy’s forum are as nasty and insulting as his.


They’re worried about stories that have horrid grammar or break “rules” and yet this yahoo is let loose on an unsuspecting public?

Further proof

As to why I really hate everybody.

“If you vie for respect, be the first to SHOW it.”

Guess he doesn’t want any then.  Oh well.

As always – if you see a violation like this on FanFiction, REPORT REPORT REPORT!

Until next time – Stay strong.  Keep Writing.

Live and let live. Ah, who am I kidding….

I am a critiquer, and I am one of the harder ones out there. I do it, not to make people feel bad about the work, but to instead push them to become better.

I almost snotted water all over my keyboard when I read this.

The preceding paragraph was from a member bio who is a member of the FF Renaissance.  Push them to become better?  Yeah right.

They just ask us to follow a handful of very simple rules to help keep the site running as smoothly as possible.

My whole problem with that is that the owners of FF clearly don’t care about what goes on.  If they did, they’d monitor stories better than they do.  For every one story that one of the trolly groups put up, there are probably a hundred more that they miss.

The one thing that really pisses me off is the quality of some of the work they list.  Yes, there are some just god awful stories on there that should be deleted.  However, when you’ve got an author who has 900 reviews and 200 followers, it’s time to let that one slide.  The only people hurt by the troll actions are the fans.  The ones that look forward to the story updates. The ones that reread the story after a bad say at school, work or home and use it for a smile.

Story ID hidden to protect the innocent

That person has enough reviews and followers to warrant the story being left alone.  I will admit I know nothing about the subject that the author has based their story on, but I can spot proper grammar and spelling and this author has both.

When they’ve got *this* type of following, it’s time to leave it alone.

Same thing here.  Another well written story with a shitton of followers.  Leave it alone. Please.

On the flip side, take this story for example:

Da fuq???

I’ll give the members of FFR this – yeah, this story does deserve to be deleted.  Not only is the grammar god awful but my brain started bleeding from having to decipher “teen speak” for so long.

Of course, the reviewer who claims to be helping people write better left this gem of a review


I for one take someone using the word “retarded” as offensive and it needs to stop just like people saying “that’s so gay!” when they mean that’s something stupid.  I have a cousin with Down’s Syndrome and more than one person has told him that’s he’s a retard when he holds down a job and lives independently in an apartment.  He’s smarter than most people I know – even with his chromosomal anomaly.

Another thing that gets my goat is the type of reviews left.  I’ve already touched on this subject, but I want to touch on it again.

I’ll bash your feelings

My mother always used to tell me that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  This reviewer must bathe in vinegar every day just to be this sour.

Yeah, you do have another choice there, Princess.

This one really bothers me.  “I have no other choice.”  Yeah, actually you do have a choice.  Leave it the hell alone.  No one is dying because of this story being on FanFiction.  Find a story you don’t like?  Hit that backspace key and go back to the previous page and find another one.

The irony here is hilarious.

Can’t spell?  No problem!  We don’t drink our own Kool-Aid so it’s okay.

Myth Confirmed: He’s a d-bag.

The defense rests, Your Honor. This guy is a d-bag.

I wish this guy would just take a really long walk off a short dock.  Enough is enough.

Only good thing going right now is FF seems to be hit and miss on deleting stories.  They report them, but half of them are still there from as far back as July and August.  Other stories in the same message are gone so maybe – fingers crossed- FanFiction believes the story to be compliant in their eyes.

Course that doesn’t help any when your story – like one of mine – is listed on their site and you’ve got dozens of people reporting it multiple times a day.   As of the posting of this blog, it’s still up.  I’ve gotten four confirmed reports of people reporting it though I’m sure the number of reports is closer to twenty or thirty people.

For the love of God, get a dictionary.

If you want us to take you seriously, please learn the difference between your and you’re.

Pot. Meet. Kettle.

And lastly, please learn how to spell if you’re going to critique someone on their spelling and grammar.

Physician heal thyself.

Until next time -Stay strong.  Keep Writing.